Eventually I will get around to telling my whole story, but today lets talk about being told you have cancer for the fourth time. SPOILER ALERT: It. Is. DEVASTATING.
I guess it was about 19 years ago – the first time I heard the words “You have cancer.” I think at that point I was too new to the cancer game to be overly concerned. It was caught early and the surgery was no big deal. After a couple years, I didn’t think too much about it anymore. The second diagnosis, a few years later, was exponentially more serious. It left me with a lot of mental and emotional baggage, along with some physical issues that are manageable for the most part. The third diagnosis came out of thin air, completely unexpected. Caught early, I did what I had to do and moved along like a champ. I tend to be very stoic and was really proud of myself for not falling to pieces. And I thought to myself “Certainly this is the last time, right?”
That was two and a half years ago, and it clearly wasn’t the last time.
Last month, I received a Stage 1a Invasive Ductal Carcinoma diagnosis. Basically, my left breast is plotting to kill me. In the past, with an early diagnosis, I was much more nonchalant about it. This time, it seems to be hitting a bit differently. I’m in better shape emotionally, physically, and mentally than I have been in years. I feel stronger in every way than maybe I ever have in my life. I have so many things I’m looking forward to doing and am on my way to accomplishing things I have put off for years.
I’ve been contemplating whether it’s so devastating this time because it’s the fourth diagnosis OR because I feel like I have so much more to lose? I do find myself wondering how many more times can I do this before I run out of luck. Then I try to remind myself that I shouldn’t spend too much energy worrying about cancer because my genetic predisposition to high cholesterol is probably what will kill me.
I guess I had better start taking my rosuvastatin a bit more regularly.
Until next time… tight lines and happy minds!
REEL LIFE YARNS 